#3: Watching a Star Wars movie (or two)

I know what you’re thinking: How have I never seen any of the Star Wars movies? That’s a fair question, especially considering that my brothers and I were about the right age when the first couple movies were originally released. My only answer to that question is: I dunno. I don’t know how I got through their release on VHS, DVD, and Blu-ray. I don’t know how I got through multiple showings on cable TV. No idea.

This is not to say I’m completely clueless about the movies. It’d be hard to grow up on Earth and get to the ripe old age of 49 years and 3 months without knowing the names Luke, Leia, Han, Obi-Wan, Chewy, Darth Vader, C-3PO, and R2-D2. I mean come on, I even knew who Jabba the Hutt was (though I can’t swear I would have been able to pick him out of a lineup before tonight).

A couple years ago, I casually mentioned to my niece and nephew (now 9 and 12) that I had never seen any of these movies. The ferocity of their gasps surprised me, and I was sure Daniel would fall to the floor in shock. That made it a pretty easy decision to add this task to my pre-50th-birthday list.

Thanks to a generous coworker, I now have a borrowed set of DVDs and just watched the first film. (“First” meaning the first one released, not Episode I. See? I even know there’s a difference in ways to say the “first” Star Wars movie. Please tell me you’re impressed by that.)

I kept notes as I watched. Here you go:

Star Wars IV: A New Hope
(Released May 25, 1977)

I feel like I’ve seen this before, but I know I haven’t. John Williams, you’re a genius.

I’m glad the scrolling note at the beginning made it clear that the Galactic Empire was the “evil” actor in this particular civil war, just so I could get it straight in my head. Wait a minute: Galactic Empire, as in The Empire Strikes Back?! Spoiler alert.

Stormtroopers fighting, and all I can hear is “Pew! Pew! Pew!”

Oooooh, Darth Vader makes his first appearance. I can hardly wait to find out if he has any kids.

Strong opinion for this early in the movie: Leia’s my favorite character. Also, I am inexplicably familiar with the scene of her leaning down to R2-D2 to record a message. I could hear her saying “Help me, Obi-Wan, you’re my only hope” in my head long before that line played in the movie.

I tend to watch TV with the closed captions on, especially if I think I might need help figuring out what’s going on. The funniest part about closed captioning in this movie is R2-D2’s dialogue. Bleep blip whistle. Beep beep. Bleep whistle. I want to know who decided when to call each noise a bleep vs. a blip vs. a boop. Were there meetings involved?

Wait, who are the little guys in red/brown hoods with glowing eyes? (Found out later: They’re Jawas. Thanks, closed captions!)

I think they’re in the big transport thing now. This part reminds me of Wall-E.

Whoa, Luke just appeared out of nowhere. I don’t think I knew he had an aunt and uncle. Never heard the names Uncle Owen or Aunt Beru before. Also, is it just me or is Luke a little whiny?

I wish Daniel were here to tell me who/what all these creatures are. (Just as I wrote that, closed captions came to the rescue again; they’re sandpeople and banthas.)

The high point of my excitement level during this movie: There’s Obi-Wan! And OMG, a lightsaber!

Right about here, my mind wandered, and I had to rewind a bit to find out we’ve changed locations and are now in the Death Star. One of these guys reminds me of Mitch McConnell. And that guy? Ted Cruz.

Later, in Mos Eisley, and we get to see Obi-Wan use the Force to evade capture by the stormtroopers. Great line: “The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded.”

Now they’re looking for a pilot (and somehow I know this is where Han Solo comes in, though I’d managed to forget about Chewy until I saw him). This has to be the weirdest bar in Mos Eisley, right? That band, man.

I’m bothered by the way Han Solo says Millennium Falllll-con, as opposed to Faaaal-con, but he’s awfully cute, that Han. Wait, he owes Jabba money?

The Millennium Falcon vs. the Death Star = intergalactic David vs. Goliath.

Seeing our heroes hiding in the Millennium Falcon and then sneaking around the Death Star reminds me of that scene in The Sound of Music when the Von Trapps are hiding from the Nazis. Well, except there aren’t any nuns. Plenty of Nazis, though.

Closed captioning says [zap, zap] during this fight scene. I’m kind of surprised it didn’t say [pew, pew].

Leia’s first line to Luke: “Aren’t you a little short to be a stormtrooper?” Ha! Love her spunk.

The garbage chute scene, with the walls closing in to crush them, reminds me of a recurring nightmare I had in sixth grade. I think I’m glad I didn’t watch this movie then. There was one laugh-out-loud moment, though: “One thing’s for sure: We’re all going to be a lot thinner!” Oh, Han, you glib thing.

Cut to Obi-Wandering around the Death Star, shutting down the tractor beam, and eventually finding Darth Vader. Their lightsaber duel reminded me so much of Harry Potter and Voldemort in the Battle of Hogwarts. Also, the fighting and/or shooting scenes are SO LOUD.

Question: Is it Princess Lay-uh, or Lee-uh? I think I’ve heard it both ways in this movie, though I always thought it was Lay-uh. (Tamayto, tamahto. Or Fallll-con, Faaal-con, I suppose.)

Use the Force, Luke. And of course he was the one who hit the target. Also, wow … I can see why the Empire would want to strike back after the Death Star went boom.

I don’t know why, but the fact that this movie ended with an awards ceremony made me laugh. Everybody cleaned up nicely, though. C-3PO was especially shiny.

Meh. I’d give it a 6 out of 10. And while I’m still not sure I’ll watch all 837 (or whatever) movies, I will watch at least one more. Maybe this weekend.

Also, why did watching this movie remind me of so many other movies? Something to ponder while I’m watching the next one.

See you next time.